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剑桥雅思4 test 1小作文考官范文解析 这篇小作文的题目乍看起来比较简单,无论是描述对象还是数据都不算太多 […]

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剑桥雅思4 test 1小作文考官范文解析

这篇小作文的题目乍看起来比较简单,无论是描述对象还是数据都不算太多,不用费心去考虑取舍的问题。但真正着手去写的时候就会发现两个难点:其一是左边一栏七个对象究竟该如何分类才能保证整体文章的结构符合逻辑,行文顺畅。其二是表格过于简单,反而容易导致句子结构重复,用词单一。让我们一起来看看考官是如何处理这个问题的,并从雅思写作的四个评分维度来解析其文章究竟好在哪里,又有哪些值得我们总结借用的地方。

剑桥雅思4 test 1小作文题目

The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

剑桥雅思4 test 1小作文考官范文

The table gives a breakdown of the different types of family who were living in poverty in Australia in 1999.

On average, 11% of all households, comprising almost two million people, were in this position. However, those consisting of only one parent or a single adult had almost double this proportion of poor people, with 21% and 19% respectively.

Couples generally tended to be better off, with lower poverty levels for couples without children (7%) than those with children (12%). This article is from Laokaoya website. It is noticeable that for both types of household with children, a higher than average proportion were living in poverty at this time.

Older people were generally less likely to be poor, though once again the trend favored elderly couples (only 4%) rather than single elderly people (6%).

Overall the table suggests that households of single adults and those with children were more likely to be living in poverty than those consisting of couples.

剑桥雅思4 test 1考官范文解析

Task achievement

1. 文章涵盖了题目中给出的所有条目和大部分数据。虽然对百分比方面更加偏重,但具体人数也有提到。2. 文章末尾恰当的总结了表格的整体趋势,即单身人口和拥有孩子的家庭与其他类别相比更容易处于贫困之中。3. 文章对数据进行了合理对比。单身父母和单身成人为一类,与澳大利亚平均值对比;夫妻与单身人群进行对比,同时组内有无孩子进行比较;老年人与其他类比进行对比,并再次提到之前夫妻类别里总结的情况。

Coherence and Cohesion

1. 整体文章结构分类明确,组织合理。单身为一组,夫妻为一组,老年人为一组,没有出现重合交叉的情况。2. 句子之间的衔接手段较为成熟,使用了however, once again, though等链接手段。3. 指代合理,没有出现歧义。如第二自然段第二句的those consisting of,以及随后的this proportion等。

Lexical Resource

1. 文章在描述数据的时候几乎没有出现重复的词汇。如“包含”一意就分别用了comprising和consisting of。2. 文章使用了一些不太常用的词汇,或者常见词汇的灵活用法,比如favor名词动用,

Grammatical Range

文章中出现了各种各样的语法结构,如定语从句,非谓语动词充当句子成分,同位语从句,比较级等。

高分词汇短语总结

give a breakdown of… 给出…的具体类别,展现…的详细情况

on average 平均来看,总的来说

comprise v. 包含,包括,组成,构成

consist of v. 有…组成,包含,包括

have double this proportion of … 某种事物比例的两倍

tend to 倾向于,可以用于表示趋势或者大体情况

It is noticeable 值得注意

higher than average 比平均水平高

once again 再一次,仍然

favor v. 偏爱,有利于

be more/less likely to 更加可能/不太可能怎么样

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